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Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 03:39 pm o h n o e s !
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: typing of students in the fullerton college computer lab
bleh, my cell phone was stolen off the bus last week as i was coming home from flamenco class. i fucking knew there was a reason i hated 1. octa 2. not having a car and 3. fucking people sitting next me. i am such a fuzzy warm person sometimes.

/end rant.

I GOT A JOB!!!! woooowhee. i work fri-mon and go to school mon tues wed thur. this shit is going to kill as soon as finals start but i needed the extra income for basic necessities, and for my burning man savings. i can't go home for spring break which kind of bums me out, i need a vaca. i think of bm as a 8 day uv ray nevada one, just with no gambling.

i would really like some kind of dessert. pie perhaps. or a cupcake. the craving is strong, luke.

i love my sociology class. my teacher makes thurs night learning enjoyable. i have even been considering switching from geriatrics to hospice nursing, i think it's something i am familiar with and might be good at.
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Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 08:33 pm b u r n i n g m a n 2 0 0 5
Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: none-i am library status
so i am there. got the scholarship (for which i am truly blessed by SOME spirit out there) and one step closer to the date. after 14 units of spring semester. after summer speech so i can get closer to the nursing program. ah yes, the nursing program. what i have so much of my life riding on merely so i can not be poor for the first time in my life. i think once i am accepted a large weight will be lifted off my shoulders. right now i am working on monthly payments to the us department of education, and also trying to fix my bad check/bad credit situation. the aforementioned will take 6 to a year, but then i will be eligible for loans and grants again. thank god for being blaxican. dealing with the bad credit will get me closer to an apartment....perhaps spring next year? getting out of the outhouse would be nice.

mi amor : never worry about the depth of what i feel for you. i think of you every day and how much we know and continue to know about each other. your comedic acts bring nothing but a smile to my face. having your shoulder as a place to put my face on and smell your clean shirt makes me happy, and secure. together alone i know we are important and strong together and we can get the setbacks in our life accomplished. i love you.

/end rant
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Dec. 28th, 2004 @ 06:36 pm b a y r a i n
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: the jiggy la saw mix, track #9-oakland blackouts (delllllll)
i leave eaaaaaaaarly thursday morn' to the warmth *snort* of socal. why the fuck does it have to be raining in the 2 places i reside in? fuuuuck.
almost 2.5 weeks until i start school, i need something to kill the time once the 3rd comes around. my jiggy saw will be winter inter-sessioning it. boring. maybe i'll bake and read more.
do work out of my therapy book. YAY!
hahaha it's not that bad, but coming to self realizations is the real killer. being honest with yourself is the most important thing in therapy work, and day to day. if you can't handle emotions or others emotions....well YOU ARE FUCKED. life may have bit me in the ass when i was young, but i am learning to work on my pain and become a bigger person.
i think cypress and the nursing program holds a lot in store for me in terms of opening myself to new experiences and people. i look forward to making pre-med and nursing friends. don't forget the psych majors who overanalyze the fuck out of their lives like me. self deprication rocks.

my jelly/jams are fantastico. a select few of you (and a mother and an aunt) will get a tasting.
viva la new years celebration getting drunnnnnk with a bunch of family members you don't know.
(do not throw up alys, do not)
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Dec. 25th, 2004 @ 12:36 pm c h r i s t m a s !
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
yay well we celebrated yesterday and i got loads of stuff for school (my ass needs school "supplies"). still waiting on my nye gift from my mom via north NORTHERN california, i totally let that as teh man would say.

should be a quiet day. wish my mom had comcast installed so i didn't have to borrow computer time. monday is the day though.

i come back on thursday! yay! and a nye party the next day...tamales para mi, tamales para mi.

and el jiggly puff of course with lots of hugs.

:)

i want school to start now since my backpack ees so fresh.
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Dec. 17th, 2004 @ 10:17 am r o a d t r i p !
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: Moenia-Stereohits
i need to pack! i could just throw all the clothing into the car and goooo though. the thought is appealing. but it's nicer to have everything organized into one place. it will be so nice to get to the bay, the only bad thing will be the weather. and i have so much to look forward to when i return home. i am tired as hell from last night, but i am glad i made the decision i did. i followed my heart, and it won in the end.

if only i could get this last moenia song to d/l to have it for the road trip.
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Dec. 14th, 2004 @ 08:42 pm S C H O O L! and other things...
Current Mood: nerdynerdy
Current Music: The Cure- Lullaby
i registered today! i didn't get my nursing class but tom suggested i try to add the class and show up the first day (there are 3 avail in my time slot i can take). i hope i get one, not that sociology isn't useful (and needed) for my aa, but i wanted to get nursing 190 out of the way so i could start the program in the fall. i am also taking flamenco @ fullerton college. that should be exciting. my lazy ass needs some exercize.

leo and i also discussed taking akido at the center in little tokyo. 250 down is a lot for ssi girl like me, though. let me get through paying for cypress college books first.

so far i am taking english honors, math 15 (pre-algebra...yes i am that dumb in math) psych 101, sociology 101, and el flamenco..or would that be la? shit i just hope it makes me more coordinated.

i leave on friday for my extended bay area trip! very excited to see my old friends and my mam of course. it's nice to be able to make jams and be all lesbian home-makery. HAHAHAHAHA. i think i am going to help mam paint her bedroom as a christmas present.

no idea what is going on for nye when i get back, perhaps i will have plans. i have been offered a place to hang, and i should take them up on it.

i am sick but doing well. i got a cold from hitting flea-o bong. what can i say? you don't turn down the chron. :)
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Dec. 13th, 2004 @ 12:50 am punch in the stomach
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: moenia-tren al sur
don't let yourself out unless you are ready for those to not be what you want them to be, a good friend like you were painfully attempting to be, but wasn't good enough for that.

it must be something i am doing to lose 2 in 3 months.

codependancy is a no no. this is the time to be strong and trust my emotions to those...never mind. trust them to myself.
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Nov. 18th, 2004 @ 12:52 am h e a d a c h e
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
i am getting one, not the greatest. probably because i cried last night and today. sean showing me his old home, i don't know...maybe it made me think about what is going on in my life. what i am happy and unhappy with. i am happy to have the chance to go back to school, unhappy about the loss of a close friend in my life. it is something i need to focus on in the way that he is no longer available to me, and i was strong before him and will continue to be. i cannot blame myself for someone else's lack of caring about the meaning of a true, honest friend. i hope in the future i will make wiser decisions when it comes to who i let in as a new friend.

it will be nice to go out tomorrow (tonight). i hope atsie still wants to go.
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Nov. 1st, 2004 @ 11:05 am what upppp to all my lj pimps and hoes
Current Mood: determineddetermined
second day of freedom. had the car for 2 days and it feels wonderful. a lil worried about ssi *yet again* because my first check has not come in the mail. i love waiting on hold, but waiting on hold with the govt is like 10x better. trust.
called cypress college and got the info i needed for winter intersession/spring. i am a fool for doing winter inter but since i am so behind in math, that would be the best time. and it's free besides the book i have to purchase. so do it do it put your back into it. or something.

my throat feels like hell. i am either sick from my mom, sick from cheryl, sick from my mom's smoking and the dogs, or just allergies from the smoke/dogs. YAY. i need some cough drops like whoah. too bad i have no CHECK FOR THIS MONTH YET. eek. paying my cable bill would be nice. oh and my cell. AND GAS!!111 now i have to pay for gas instead of octa. costs a lot more needless to say.

all is clear with ssi, should get the money today. i need it for registering for classes. ack. more monetary things to worry about, but excited/accomplished worry...not scared worry.

wish i knew what my lab results were so we could work on the meds. it's been 2 weeks and unilab STILL hasn't faxed them to my doctor.

gay.
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Oct. 25th, 2004 @ 12:36 am bay trip soon
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: movement radio- dnb mix
leave the day after tomorrow. damn i am worried about the gas prices going home...hahah which basically means i can't drive around anywhere in the bay. classic. okay well my friends are all short distance, but to be honest i don't know if i will have much time. they are getting me on wed night, and cheryl is leaving sat am for a wedding, and i was scheduled to drive back home sat aft/eve. i would like to leave by 4, either am or pm. hahha i just want to have halloween here...whether it be with sean, or atsie and the gang. i don't think a halloween with will is in the works any longer. what can be done? called him today and told his VOICEMAIL how i felt, that i thought he was throwing 2.5 years of friendship down the drain and i didn't think that going from not seeing each other as much and still being close to not talking at all was right. i think it's bullshit and there's something else going on.

i guess in norcal i will be thinking about what i can do for myself since it seems as of recent i don't have the support system i once valued.
perhaps with reflection i won't need that support, and if he wants it from me he will see it's too late. hence why there was no phone call back today.

people who are there for you in the worst of times, then when you finally get a leg up, get a car, register for school...drop you.

i love meaningless relationships.
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